Ash's resident evil genius solves your problems
Dear Rick,
What is the best cure for a hangover?
Rob, Brighton
Rick says: Paramax, a fry-up, sex/masturbate and a cold shower.
Dear Rick,
I would like to know what I can do about the terrible PMT I get every month. I become very depressed, weepy and irritable. I turn into a right bitch and I’m a nightmare to live with. I can’t go on like this! Any suggestions?
Daniel O’Donnell fan, Leicester
Rick Says: Kill all your friends, then you won’t piss anyone off.
Dear Rick,
My cat likes to play rough and I’m covered in scratches. What can I do?
Mike, Sunderland
Rick says: Miniature boxing gloves are the ideal solution.
Dear Rick,
My mate has got head lice. How can I tell her without hurting her feelings? I don’t want her to hate me!
Natasha, Wolverhampton
Rick says: Off with her head!
Dear Rick,
I am 18 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’m fed up of hanging out with my mates and their girlfriends. I always feel left out. I want a girlfriend of my own but I have no idea how to go about getting one. Can you give me any tips on making a move, exchanging numbers, chat up lines etc??? I’m desperate!!! Please help me!
Razorlight fan, Yeovil
Rick says: I’ve been in a relationship for 10 years. I can’t remember how to date. Perhaps you should stop listening to Razorlight though. I would be more interested.
Dear Rick,
I sweat a lot all the time and it smells pretty bad. People avoid sitting next to me on the bus and no guys will go anywhere near me. Help! How can I deal with this?
Westlife fan, Northampton
Rick says: According to Anton LaVey all men secretly like the smell of sweaty women. He accidentally killed Jayne Mansfield by magic. He was the founder of the Church of Satan, and may well have been a dick. I hope this helps.
Next time....Dear Mark. Have you got a problem you would like Mark's help with? If so, send it to us and we'll see what we can do!!! E-mail us your problems
Rick is not the only member of Ash who gives good advice...
"Tim...how do you politely say to someone that you don't want them to piss on you?"
"In that kind of situation politeness goes out the window. Just tell them to fuck off!"